Every person hopes to have a happy marriage, wishing to spend a lifetime with their loved one.
However, marriage is not always as smooth as we imagine. There are often unexpected challenges and difficulties in life.
Before getting married, most people think that as long as two people truly love each other, they can overcome any obstacle.
However, reality is not always as beautiful as our imagination. After getting married, it’s not like the romantic days when we were dating. Marriage involves not only the two individuals but also their families.
Some women are born lucky, enjoying a happy family life before and after marriage.
Others are not so fortunate. Even if they were princesses before marriage, they might become “nannies” after marriage.
Wendy (pseudonym) and Payne (pseudonym) got married when Payne’s father had already passed away. Payne’s mother lived in a three-bedroom apartment, and Payne was her only son.
Buying a house was a significant expense, and Payne’s income was limited. Wendy thought that since they were a family, they could live together. She didn’t expect her decision to be a mistake from the start.
Her kind and simple nature made her think that life would be easy, but she didn’t anticipate the challenges that lay ahead.
Payne’s mother seemed nice at first, but after living together, Wendy discovered that she was extremely picky and critical. This difficult period started from the second month of their marriage.
Payne’s mother had lost her partner, so she focused all her attention on her son and daughter-in-law.
As newlyweds, they couldn’t avoid petty squabbles. Payne’s mother would often instruct Wendy to do this and that, while she chatted with Payne on the couch.
Sometimes, when Wendy and Payne were intimate in their bedroom, Payne’s mother would suddenly barge in, crying and saying she had a bad dream, asking Payne to accompany her.
So, Wendy started locking her bedroom door at night, but Payne’s mother would criticize her, saying that a family should be harmonious.
These were just small issues. Payne’s mother was retired and stayed at home, watching TV and browsing her phone all day, rarely going out or socializing with people her age.
Although there’s no rule that household chores must be done by a specific person, Wendy felt exhausted every day, working late and coming home to find her husband and mother-in-law chatting in the living room, while she was the only one doing all the household work.
Wendy complained about this, and Payne sometimes helped with some chores, but his mother would often call him away, saying that men shouldn’t do domestic work.
Her reason was that “men are meant to do important things, and doing household chores is beneath them.” Wendy felt frustrated, as Payne didn’t earn much, and after getting married, she didn’t see his money, but instead, he often asked her for money.
Before getting married, she thought Payne was a simple and honest person, and his family was small, but she didn’t occupy a good position.
In reality, Payne’s family was small, but he always listened to his mother. When the three of them were together, Wendy felt like an outsider.
Wendy’s job required her to work overtime, especially at the end of the month. However, Payne’s mother didn’t care about this and would call her to cook dinner, saying she didn’t know how to cook.
Wendy didn’t argue with her, initially ordering takeout and sending it back home, but Payne’s mother didn’t appreciate it, saying that Wendy was lazy and didn’t want to cook.
At first, Wendy didn’t know about these things, but later, during a fight with Payne, he revealed that his mother had been criticizing her. Wendy was furious, as she had thought that her mother-in-law would be like a mother to her.
However, she realized that this was just her wishful thinking, and from the start, her mother-in-law had seen her as an “enemy.”
Wendy began to doubt her choice. Was it wrong to marry Payne?
As the winter solstice approached, Wendy was exhausted from working overtime and dealing with her mother-in-law’s criticism. She received a call from her mother-in-law, saying, “Daughter-in-law, tomorrow is the winter solstice, and we must eat dumplings for breakfast. Remember to make them when you get back.”
Wendy was frustrated, feeling like she was being treated unfairly. She didn’t respond to her mother-in-law’s call and instead went to bed, locking her door.
The next morning, she heard her mother-in-law banging on the door, saying, “It’s 7 o’clock, and you didn’t make the dumplings! What’s wrong with you?”
Wendy was furious, feeling like she was being treated like a nanny. She finally stood up for herself, saying, “I’m not your nanny, and I won’t do all the household chores!”
This was the first time Wendy confronted her mother-in-law. She realized that she couldn’t be too kind and tolerant, as some people would take advantage of her.
From then on, Wendy decided not to be a pushover. She would stand up for herself and not be treated unfairly.
Payne tried to mediate, but Wendy was firm in her decision. She realized that her husband was not the kind and honest person she thought he was, and she was not willing to continue the marriage.
Many people think that marriage is simple, just a matter of two people living together. However, marriage involves not only the couple but also their families.
Some mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law as enemies, thinking that they have taken away their sons. This can lead to more problems and conflicts.
Only by respecting others can we gain their respect. However, some mothers-in-law don’t understand this and instead bully and oppress their daughters-in-law, thinking they can control them.
If a mother-in-law doesn’t know how to respect her daughter-in-law and instead tries to control her, the marriage will eventually fail.
The key to a successful marriage lies in the man who is caught between his mother and wife. He must have a clear sense of right and wrong and not always take his mother’s side.
A man must have his own principles and take responsibility for his actions, becoming a reliable partner for his wife.
Otherwise, if the mother-in-law is overbearing, and the husband only listens to one side of the story, the wife will suffer, and the marriage will eventually fall apart.
Women should not be too naive before marriage and should carefully observe the family dynamics of their partner’s family, paying attention to how they treat women.
If they can identify potential problems early on, they should not think they can change their partner’s family and should not marry into a family that does not respect women.