If you don’t have a clear understanding of betrayal, you may make some typical mistakes, such as:
Trying to find evidence that the other party still loves you from their betrayal.
When I raise this issue, you may be a bit confused, or even not understand my point. The following situations are typical behaviors that you may have done before.
First, comparing yourself with the third party.
This comparison may be internal, or you may ask the person who betrayed you to compare—usually, when facing betrayal, people tend to compare themselves with the third party to see who the other person thinks is better.
However, no matter the result of the comparison, you will not feel at ease. If the third party is clearly inferior to you, you won’t understand why they would betray you. If you feel inferior to the third party, you will feel more self-doubt.
But why do many people unconsciously make this comparison? They try to find proof that the other party loves them or that they deserve to be loved.
In fact, this is a misconception. Never compare yourself with the third party because there’s no basis for comparison—do I need to explain more?
If you must compare, the renowned Australian private detective Julian once said about this issue: In reality, most third parties are not as good as the original partner.
If you have experienced emotional betrayal, I hope you unconditionally accept this conclusion. What to compare? Behind emotions are values. What values you have will determine what you compare. So, are you comparing looks, body, character, integrity, or principles?
Another common behavior is to understand the details of the interactions between the other party and the third party, then use the actions of the other party towards the third party to prove that they love you more and care about you more.
In reality, if you make these comparisons of so-called “acts of love,” you may conclude that the other party cares more about the third party than about you.
For such a result, you don’t need to dwell on it. From a different perspective:
When a betrayer enters a betrayal relationship, they usually put in extra effort to maintain that relationship. Betrayal relationships require more “display,” which is fundamentally different from marriage. Marriages value “substance,” whereas the same bouquet of roses, if given by a lover, would be accepted joyfully but criticized if given by a spouse.
Therefore, the expressions in a betrayal relationship do not necessarily represent true love and emotions.
Why do many people who experience emotional betrayal always try to find proof that the other party still loves them from the betrayal?
Perhaps it’s out of unwillingness to accept reality or seeking some psychological comfort to continue the relationship—if they still show love during betrayal, then forgiveness or reconciliation would hold value and meaning.
If you are willing to accept the reality: Betrayal means no love—maybe they once loved deeply, or they may be faithful in the future, but during betrayal, there is no love. Have you ever seen someone who truly loves another willingly hurt them?
What is love? Love is cherishing, protecting, holding in the palm of your hand.
Love is not complicated; people’s interpretations of love are. Like many betrayers who consider promiscuity a form of love, even true love.
Love is an emotion and a cognition, so different people have different definitions of love.
So, how do you understand and interpret “love”? This is a question you should ask yourself.