The day she signed the papers with her husband, they were no longer husband and wife. She walked aimlessly down the street, about to face life alone, shouldering the burden. Occasionally seeing other couples passing by, she thought of her own past, feeling empty inside, and unconsciously started crying.
Married for only 9 years, their relationship had come to an end, 3 of which she had endured for the sake of the family and children. It wasn’t that she didn’t try, but he just didn’t care about their life together, it was too hurtful. She had fantasized about staying with him for the rest of her life even if it meant suffering, but ultimately it failed.
What about the future? She didn’t know the answer either. Her child was only 7 years old and she would have to raise him alone. Now that she was finally divorced from him, thinking about the days ahead, she felt both lost and relieved. At least, from now on, she would no longer grieve for this relationship, and she would no longer shed tears for him.
This was the true feeling in a woman’s heart when she first got divorced, a year and a half ago. At that time, after 9 years of marriage, she finally made up her mind and agreed to divorce her husband. No matter what he owed her in the past, it didn’t matter anymore, she just wanted the rest of her life to be free of tears. The end of a relationship meant that the past was gone, but it also meant a new beginning…
Let me tell you about this lady’s later love story.
Tried My Best, Divorced With Peace
I saw this lady’s message to me, and I chatted with her for a while. Her experience made me speechless. Sometimes, no matter how beautiful a dream is, it is just a dream because you are standing still. Many people have encountered sad things in their relationships. Sometimes, it is worthwhile to fight for someone with all your might, even if you get yourself covered in scars. Looking back on this relationship, even if you lost miserably, you can probably face life with composure. This is not a regret, at least you tried your best. Since you tried your best, you can also be at peace with the separation.
Lisa, female, married her first love at the age of 23. Now 34, she has been divorced for a year and a half. In that relationship, Lisa felt romance and warmth, but also sadness and loss. Because she loved him too much, Lisa was always hardworking and uncomplaining in that family. But after only 6 years of marriage, he became selfish, not only finding other women outside, but also becoming increasingly indifferent to Lisa. The heartbroken Lisa persisted for 3 years before finally deciding to leave him.
Marriage is different from love. After getting married, many people will face some problems they never considered before. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, work relationship, parent-child relationship, and most importantly, husband and wife relationship, may all have irreconcilable conflicts.
That year, after only 6 years of marriage, Lisa encountered emotional hurt that she couldn’t face. She could endure the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and she could also put down her work to focus on her husband and children. But regarding the relationship between husband and wife, she was very confused and often felt heart-wrenching pain. Her husband seemed to have forgotten the words he once said and gradually stopped caring about her feelings. He spent money lavishly and often went out drinking late at night. He didn’t know who he was with and often didn’t come home all night.
Lisa said: “Every woman who marries for love hopes to be the only one in her husband’s eyes, and I am no exception. But the things he did were too hurtful, challenging my bottom line again and again, often seeing other women. Although he swore he only loved me, I knew he didn’t care about me in his heart. From the 6th year of marriage to the 9th year, for 3 years, he hurt me again and again. I forgave him again and again, and occasionally he even hit me. For the sake of the family, I made myself miserable. I really tried my best before the divorce, even if I lived alone, it would be better than being with him. The divorce is not my fault for being cruel, it’s just that he is too heartless.”
Found a New Boyfriend, But Ex-Husband Returned
In Lisa’s account, she endured 3 years of grievances before the divorce and couldn’t hold on any longer. Although divorce was not her original intention, since he didn’t care about her so much, leaving him was also a fulfillment for herself. No matter whether she lived well or not in the future, she could face it calmly.
After the divorce, Lisa lived alone with her child. Although it was hard for a woman to raise a child alone, at least there were no more endless quarrels in life, and she didn’t have to be as wronged as before. Lisa dreamed of giving her child a complete home, and she tried to find a new relationship. Five months after the divorce, she finally met a kind man. Because of this man’s appearance, Lisa gradually became cheerful. Just like when she was young and in love, every date was very romantic.
Lisa said: “After the divorce, I couldn’t see the future. I thought I would have to live alone for the rest of my life. But I met someone who cared about me, and we had a great time chatting together. He was willing to accept me and my child, and I felt so happy. I’m 33 years old, and he’s 30 and not married yet. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. At that time, my heart was very warm. I am really grateful to God for his love for meeting him in this life.”
This new relationship after the divorce was very harmonious, and Lisa and her boyfriend were in love. He was willing to protect Lisa and her child for the rest of his life, and Lisa was also willing to marry him. She had been to his house many times, and his parents were very kind to Lisa, their future daughter-in-law.
However, only 9 months into their relationship, Lisa’s ex-husband regretted it and pestered Lisa relentlessly. He apologized, saying he was willing to change his mind and devote himself to the family. He hoped Lisa would give him a chance to repair this broken marriage and continue living together.
Lisa said: “He came back and said his heart came back too, and he would stay with me forever and never leave again. At that time, I had been divorced from him for more than a year, and I had been in love with my boyfriend for 9 months. It was impossible to get back together with him. But he actually went to my parents’ house and knelt down, begging me to take the child and go with him, wanting to remarry me. Of course I couldn’t accept him, after all, I already had a new relationship. My boyfriend is very good to me, but he kept pestering me. It’s all my fault for not being firm enough, I secretly dated him behind my boyfriend’s back. It was mainly for the child, after all, he is the child’s father. Because of my naivety, I gradually fell into a passive position.”
Ex-Husband’s Reappearance Put Her in a Dilemma
Under her ex-husband’s repeated pleas, Lisa felt bad too. After all, they were first loves, they had a child together, and they had truly loved each other. But when she thought that she was already in love and had promised her boyfriend, how could she explain to her boyfriend if she got back together with her ex-husband? Lisa was very confused, trying to prevent her boyfriend from seeing her struggle while persuading her ex-husband to forget about her. She had already fallen in love with her boyfriend and didn’t want to have anything to do with her ex-husband anymore.
Lisa recalled: “My ex-husband is very selfish and often uses unscrupulous means to achieve his goals. A few months ago, he came to beg me, and I clearly refused him. But he actually played the emotional card, kept talking about the child, and always said that even for the child, I should forgive him once. I was so conflicted, and every time I drove him away, I would cry secretly. But when I think about it carefully, what he said is also right, he is the child’s father!”
Lisa didn’t know what to do. Under her ex-husband’s repeated pleas, her mind became muddled. Faced with her ex-husband’s renewed pursuit, she didn’t control herself well and started dating him again. Lisa dated him many times, always being cautious and hiding it from both sides.
Lisa said: “I dated him (ex-husband) to make him give up on me sooner, just to accompany him a few more times for the sake of the child, and try to slowly persuade him to forget me. I dated him for 3 months, and he actually became obsessed with me, always checking my phone, and later he even accused me of being unfaithful to him. I could only tell the truth, that I was already in love, and I started dating my boyfriend 5 months after the divorce, and I was going to marry him. He actually hit me, saying I was cheating on him.”
Lisa finally realized that she had once again made herself miserable. She regretted dating her ex-husband, she just wanted to marry her boyfriend. But her ex-husband seized her weakness and even wanted to find her boyfriend to duel. Lisa was afraid of causing trouble, so she endured the grievance and begged him (ex-husband) to let her go. But he pushed his luck, urging Lisa to break up quickly and remarry him. In order to make Lisa break up with her boyfriend, he even hit Lisa several times.
Lisa said: “I’m really too wronged. I endured him for 3 years, and finally left him and found a man who truly loves me. I didn’t expect to be careless for a moment and be entangled again. I’m in a dilemma.”
Got Pregnant, Feeling Wronged
Her ex-husband’s temper became worse and worse, and Lisa dared not speak out. Her ex-husband wouldn’t let her see her boyfriend again, but she knew in her heart that the person she loved most was her boyfriend. During that time, Lisa lived a very difficult life. In order not to let her boyfriend know that her ex-husband was back, she could only continue to hide it.
Lisa said: “I promised him (ex-husband) to be on call, but I never let go of my choice about the future. I decided to marry my boyfriend and hoped my ex-husband would spare me. I’ve done everything I can, but he still wouldn’t agree and often hit me. I was forced to confess to my boyfriend, hoping he would give me an attitude and support.”
When Lisa told her boyfriend that her ex-husband was still pestering her, her boyfriend was very sad. He expressed his doubts, saying he had long felt that Lisa was hiding something from him. Lisa cried and confessed everything to her boyfriend, that she had occasionally met her ex-husband during this time and done some bad things, and begged for his forgiveness. Even though Lisa didn’t explicitly say what the bad things were, her boyfriend guessed it. He was heartbroken, but he still forgave Lisa. For the sake of their relationship, he vowed not to back down and continue to protect Lisa and her child.
Lisa was very moved by her boyfriend’s understanding and support. She refused all her ex-husband’s requests and never saw him again, letting him give up hope, as they were no longer husband and wife. Her ex-husband had a bad temper, but he ultimately didn’t dare to come for a duel. Only then did Lisa realize that her ex-husband was just all talk and had no courage to come and duel with her boyfriend.
Lisa recalled: “My boyfriend and I bravely defended our love. After this storm, I will love him for the rest of my life and strive to get married soon. But I didn’t expect that I would get pregnant early, and I don’t know whose it is. I spent time with both of them during that period, and I can’t tell whose it is.”
This was Lisa’s real struggle. She was afraid of hurting her boyfriend again. But seeing how happy her boyfriend was, she couldn’t bear to voice her doubts.
Lisa asked me: “What do you think I should do in this situation? Now that I have a baby, I’m even more conflicted. I’m very worried, if it’s my ex-husband’s in the future, how can I face this new relationship? I don’t want to wrong my boyfriend again, it’s really a headache.”
After Divorce, Try Not to Contact Each Other
Lisa has been struggling for many days now, the baby in her belly is more than a month old.
I answered Lisa: “Actually, you can handle it the way you think, you should know what to do in your heart. Your boyfriend can’t be truly happy, and he can’t help but suspect. Maybe he just doesn’t want to hurt you, or maybe he’s afraid of losing you. The fact that he can forgive you should mean that he loves you or simply has no choice. In short, no matter how you handle it, you have to consider it from his true perspective. If you truly love him, you have to dispel his doubts and leave no worries behind. Guessing and suspicion are taboos in relationships, and he must be under a lot of pressure. You can handle it yourself, although it’s not fair to you, but after all, you made a mistake. Even for your boyfriend, you can’t gamble on this. Of course, if you have money, then be safe and get a paternity test after a while. I hope you will be happy and grow old together.”
I have seen many cases like Lisa’s. I remember seeing several divorced couples who were still entangled last year. Three couples remarried in the entanglement, and one of them had a very dramatic experience. This couple had been divorced for a year, and the reason for the divorce was that the man cheated and fell in love with his mistress. After the divorce, the woman was too lonely and often dated her ex-husband who had hurt her. Even though her ex-husband already had a girlfriend, he didn’t refuse her approach. Just when the ex-husband was about to register his marriage with his mistress, his ex-wife became pregnant with his child. After some entanglement, the woman forced his mistress away, and the ex-husband could only remarry her. Now, both of them regret it.
I won’t say much about this case. If I have the opportunity to encounter a similar topic, I will write about it. This story of reconciliation just has a very tortuous process. For many former couples, divorce means a complete end. In theory, if there are no children, there is no need for them to see each other again. Even if there are children, divorced ex-husbands and ex-wives should try not to be alone together. Otherwise, why bother getting divorced in the first place? If you can’t walk away completely, don’t get divorced.
Be Your Best Self to Expect Love
Love is like the most primitive dream, and everyone deserves to fight for it once. No matter what your conditions are, no matter what you have experienced in those years, if you like someone, you should first try your best to be your best self and face the person you love most with your best self.
Love is also a kind of equal attachment, which requires mutual exchange. It is difficult for one person’s efforts to last for a long time. Many lovers confided in each other back then, and during that time, they went through countless twists and turns before finally becoming husband and wife. This is fate, and staying together until old age is the most basic requirement, you must always be your best self.
The lessons of love are similar. If someone has already made you give up, then you can’t have any more fantasies to prevent getting hurt again. Otherwise, you will be sorry for the self who has suffered grievances. Learning from past mistakes is both a comfort to your past self and a protection for your future self and the person who loves you.