After experiencing emotional betrayal, it’s natural to need time to heal and cope with the situation. But it doesn’t mean you can immerse yourself in pain indefinitely.
It’s best to make choices and solve problems as soon as possible, but many people who have experienced betrayal find it difficult to overcome it easily. So, everyone who has been betrayed will go through a period of darkness and helplessness.
When facing emotional betrayal, the worst thing you can do is to do nothing and let yourself completely “idle” away.
Many may say, “I’m not idle at all. I’m in pain every day, trying to change and make myself better.” But ask yourself, are you really taking action every day, or just thinking about it? The real solution to a problem lies in action, not just in thoughts.
So, after being betrayed, don’t isolate yourself or think that dealing with emotional betrayal is as simple as making a choice in your mind. In fact, most of the time and energy in dealing with these issues are spent on “thinking”. There are two levels of “thinking”: one is necessary for problem-solving, while the other is purely emotional and negative. If you get stuck in the latter, it will only make your situation worse.
After experiencing betrayal, many people don’t know what to do. Specifically in marriage, the decision may take longer, but in terms of your own life, you must realize that you can’t let yourself idle.
As the Chinese saying goes, “An idle man is a busybody.” If you have too much free time, you will have a lot of time to “think”, which is hard to control and usually leads to negative emotions. So, keeping yourself busy and fulfilled is crucial during this time.
The mind can only focus on one thing at a time. If you focus on pain, you will feel pain; if you focus on happiness, you will feel happy. After betrayal, your focus will be on pain, so you need to learn to “interrupt” this focus and shift your attention away from the strong emotions of betrayal.
Why do we emphasize having your own work and social circle? Because it’s difficult to “distract” yourself. If you are busy with work and have many friends, it will help you to do so. The initial “distraction” is just to shift your focus away from the pain, but gradually, you need to learn to do things that give you energy and make you positive, and turn it into a habit.
Some may continue to ask, “How can I find energy and become positive?” This question is for you to figure out. If you don’t know how to make yourself happy, then that’s a more serious problem.
Even at this point, some may say, “I’m not happy no matter what I do, except for my relationship.” If that’s your mindset, then it’s probably difficult for anyone to help you. Betrayal itself is a warning that the relationship may not bring happiness. If your entire happiness and well-being rely solely on a relationship, it’s worth asking yourself, if the relationship can’t bring happiness, does that mean you can’t live happily?
So, many times, it’s not that the problem can’t be solved, but rather that you have closed off the channels to solve it, only giving yourself one way out.
To be frank, those whose lives have been stranded after experiencing betrayal are often in this situation.