Betrayal in a relationship, no matter how you deal with it, will eventually be healed by time. But time isn’t a magic cure. The scars left by betrayal are likely to linger a lifetime.
If there’s any relationship that’s truly close, it’s between husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend. This relationship, in a way, is even closer than that between parents and children. Why? Because couples spend far more time together than people spend with their parents and children.
In such a close relationship, trust is key. Betrayal hurts trust, and it’s a destructive blow. Once this trust is broken, it’s almost impossible to rebuild. Sure, you hear people say that couples should rebuild trust after betrayal, and there are plenty of suggestions and guides on how to do it. It seems like if a couple works hard enough, they can return to their former state.
But people often overlook a simple truth: the more you talk about something, the harder it becomes. Trust is no exception.
So, if you could ask people who have been betrayed in a relationship, “Would you trust the person who betrayed you the same way you did before?” the answer wouldn’t be as optimistic as you think.
Without trust, you can’t truly get along. On the surface, the marriage continues, seemingly without problems. But deep down, you’ll feel a constant unease. You won’t know how to deal with this feeling. No matter how you adjust yourself or how your partner treats you, this unease might stay with you for a long time. This is the scar left by betrayal.
After being betrayed, someone’s perception of the world changes. This, in turn, affects their behavior and how they interact with others.
To have your closest person betray you—not everyone can simply let go of such an experience.
People who have been betrayed often find it hard to believe in the “goodness of humanity” again. While they may still be kind, this kindness is limited to their own expectations. They don’t assume everyone is kind. They keep a distance from the world and question others. They fear intimacy and are afraid to open up to anyone. This is a defense mechanism, almost an instinctive way to protect themselves.
Many people who experience betrayal and eventually divorce choose to live alone for the rest of their lives. It’s not because they don’t want love anymore. It’s because they don’t believe they’ll ever find someone they can unconditionally trust. Or maybe, they believe that such a person doesn’t exist in the world.
This is the deepest wound left by betrayal. It not only hurts your relationship but also completely shatters your perception of love. The love you once thought was the most beautiful thing in the world has become a source of deep pain. You’re afraid to talk about love again, afraid of another betrayal. You’d rather live alone than risk going through it all again.
Those who betray their partners often say, “You don’t understand, I had my reasons…”
But how can they understand what the betrayed person went through, what they endured? If their actions cause the betrayed person to change, you should at least realize that it’s all because of the betrayal. They were a normal, even good, person. Your betrayal has thrown their life into chaos.
Not many people can truly escape the shadow of betrayal and return to a world of sunshine and warmth. It’s not because those who have been betrayed are being dramatic or holding onto the pain. It’s because betrayal hurts more than just the relationship. The problems after betrayal go beyond simply deciding whether to stay in the marriage or not.
Betrayal creates a series of complicated, intertwined problems that need to be solved one by one. Few people can resolve all these problems. Even if they could, the time it takes, the price they pay, and the permanent damage to their mind and body are a desecration and waste of their lives.